Converse!

Things Don’t Always Seem ‘Jolly’.

I just kind of feel a tad bit guilty. My best guy friend, fell for me. And i really don’t know what to do.  My best guy friend, Elier, is my now friend again, Selena’s ex-first-boyfriend. And i’m spinning with thoughts and guilt trips.  I really don’t know my life anymore. It seemed to be going pretty awesome. But i just don’t know anymore. Things have gotten complicated and intricate. It’s like a tangled mess of shoelaces or ribbons or something hard to de-tangle. Everyone has their hidden things. Elier, liking me. Selena, wanting to be my friend again. And Heather, my other best friend, totally drew this drawing that really got me confused on what the fuck she drew it for. It really creeped me out.

.ugh.so.pissed.off.™

^Went to the concert. I SO FREAKIN LOVED it!! That night was awesome! Except Flyleaf wasn’t there.

Really. I so feel like these lyrics were like made for me. The only reason that I even know these lyrics was because i went to the concert. Maybe it was just fate. I super love that song and that night! Yes, I’m aware the it was like a month ago, but it was my first concert. I was super excited that I went to go see Red/Seether for my first concert. It wouldv’e been more awesome if Flyleaf had been at the concert. I would’ve seriously lived in that day forever. I can clearly remember that day. The upset news of Flyleaf, the train ride to Belmont, the waiting, the hot guy in back of us, and the concert. The moshing ( with the stupid posers trying to be ‘in’.) Everything was just awesome. I can’t believe I actually went.

My ‘mother’, was being all mad at me. Called Selena’s cell and I answered. She bitched at me and told me to come home. I don’t see why I couldn’t stay later. There’s nothing else to do here. I’m stuck on the computer all day until i have to go to sleep. I’m usually out until 9 and then come home, but I’m always at Selena’s. She’s being to unreasonable. She such a bitch! I don’t like her. I wish she wasn’t my ‘mother’. I just always have wished for a better family. Some that won’t tell me to ”quit my shit” or call me ”inhuman”. I need a new family. Maybe I can divorce my parents as soon as I get older. Hmm. That would be an awesome idea. Oh well for now, I can’t. Until then, later.

♥.enika.™

.yup.i.did.™

Yup I did. I fucked up. Not too much. I had a bag of chips. Which to be exact had 1,200 mg of sodium and at least 600 calories.

-1 bag of chips
-1 barbecue chip
-1 chocolate chip granola bar
-1 combo pretzel thing
-water

This isn’t good. I mean I’m already going to have pizza tomorrow morning. For some writing ceremony thing. Then i have to exercise like it’s the end of the world. I can’t have excess fat on me when I have to look good for these stupid trips. Besides, I don’t want to be the fat freshman in a school full of skinny girls. Ugh, exercise is all I have in my schedule. Well, I think I need some shut eye. Later.

&hearts.enika.™

.ugh.™

^^ My first (crappy) video. Hehe.

I just finished eating. So far today I’ve eaten…

-3 small cookies in the packages
-A little cup of peaches
-1/2 of an orange
-3/4 of a peanut butter sandwich with 2 breads
-1 bowl of salad with French dressing

I know I’m going to fuck up and eat something else. I just hope I can stick to water now. I’ve noticed that when I’m mad, I loose my appetite. I can’t eat when I’m mad. But I think when I’m sad, I can eat. I don’t know. I mean I shouldn’t even be thinking about this. I’m probably going to end up going downstairs with my cousins, ad they’re going to have A LOT of junk food. My little cousin is loaded, which is probably the reason he weights 110. He’s only 9. It’s not good. I mean I’m 14, and I weight 144. Yeah I know, I’ fat. Don’t say it. I’m working on it, okay? Well I have to go work-out. I’ll write back later if I fuck up.

♥.enika.™

.tonights.been.so.long.™

Look at this video. I love love love this song. It’s just too awesome not to share it. I mean, yeah.

I worked out around 2 hours. I’m hurting sore! I didn’t eat too much, more like 1 Airhead and water. It’s close to bedtime now, so i might drink some more water and just go exercise some more. I have to be shaped for graduation. Springfield even. I mean i have to. I have to show these girls are like 1/2 my size! Well except one, and well, she’s an exception. She’s a bestie. I can’t comment on her weight. Even is she wanted me to. I can’t. It’s like girl code. And the other bestie? Well she’s half my size too. She’s like super skinny!! And not to mention like 3 inches taller than me. She’s like someone i want to be. She’s my real like thinspiration. In high school, i don’t want to be the fat freshman who gets picked on. And worse? An ‘emo’ as they say. Which I’m not! I mean how could they say that? I don’t wear black and wear eye liner everyday. I am NOT ‘emo’! Besides how can you be ‘emo’ when ‘emo’ is a music genre? Ugh, people are such hypocrites.

Okay so the, half my size bestie, is missing? Christina, which is the girl who Heather’s (bestie) sister hangs out with, just rang my doorbell. She said that they couldn’t find Heather. Okay, something’s missing here. I mean if she;s not at her Aunt Linda’s house, or at her house, then…she ran away? I don’t know. I’ll see what went wrong tomorrow at lame school. For now i’ll get back to my water and sit-ups at bedtime. Later.

♥.enika.™